I. A Helpless Agreement
Xiao Wang was 23 when she graduated from Xi’an Industry University in 2011. Soon she became a white-collar in a big company. Her dream was simple, working for two years, finding a man, and getting married. The future was full of promises and hope.
In early 2012, Xiao started to feel fatigued, lose appetite, and lose balance. She had a checkup at Xi’an Jiaotong University Hospital. She got uremia, terminal.
Shocked and anguished, Xiao was admitted to the hospital. The doctor said she could hardly live for one year without a kidney transplant. Xiao’s parents had chronic diseases for years. They were disqualified from the donation in the first place. She had an elder sister, but her husband sternly refused the donation. After registering in the national kidney source center, the waiting line was endless.
Xiao roamed across the patient groups at social media across the city, looking for any sort of silver lining. Apr. 2013, she got a tip, “Go get a young man in the cancer patient group. Marry him. After he dies, you will get his body donation as his spouse. If there is no complication of kidney failure along with the cancer treatment, plus a matching blood type, you will get a great kidney.”
Xiao managed to get into a cancer patient group called “I want to live”. Before long, she posted a dating advertisement. She was genuine and uneasy making up the words. In the end, she wrote, “I will give you the best care after the marriage. Please forgive my humbleness and insanity — I want to live.”
The post made quite a stir among the patients. Lingering the edge of death, they gave her more sighs than reproaches. Three days after, she got a message from a group member called “Sunflower lover”: “Hey. Is this a hoax?” Xiao quickly sent over her ID and medical reports. After a long pause, a reply came in:
“I would like to marry you. My name is Jianping Yu, 27, Xi’an local. I have been on Myeloma for three years, blood type B. I had a bone marrow transplant (BMT) three years ago. It’s got relapsed recently. I don’t want to deal with it anymore.” Xiao’s blood was B, too. She was thrilled.
They exchanged numbers and started to chat through text messages. One day Xiao silenced for a long time, before sending a message, “On dialysis now. My arm is fixated. Here is a single-handed monster lol.” Jianping thought she was kidding. A video popped up a few seconds later –Xiao laid next to a dialysis machine, glowing red blood flew through the tube. She looked extremely pale, but the grin still vibrant. She said, “You see it? My face and mood are changing all the time.” Jianping was amazed. Naughty girl, he thought.
Jun. 2013, Xiao was temporarily discharged from the hospital. With a friend’s help, Xiao checked Jianping’s background. Everything was real.
Soon they made an appointment to meet up. It was at Xingqing Palace Park, across the street to Jianping’s home college. They both wore face masks in the hot summer — -hardly oversaw each other far away from the rendezvous. They hugged. Then Xiao laughed, “Is this a date? It looks like two spies having a secret meeting. We two fools.” Amused, Jianping continued the joke, “Come on, have a good look at me. Are you seeing the hope to live?”
Jianping took off his mask. His face looked really bad. It turned out, Jianping had stopped hospital treatment one year ago. He even stopped taking drugs for the blood index. Xiao was shocked, “You can’t do that. This is stupid. It could lead to much bigger problems.”
Jianping’s face was bleak, “I don’t care. I have had enough of it. More importantly, you are waiting for my kidney, aren’t you?” They both felt the weight. Xiao fell into silence.
Putting himself together, Jianping raised a serious request, “You don’t have to take care of me. Take care of my father after I die.” Heartbroken, Xiao nodded vehemently.
Jianping graduated from Xi’an Jiaotong University. He was now a sales manager in a Wealth Management company. He was diagnosed with Myeloma before his wedding. Soon his girlfriend left him. His mom died many years ago. His father sold their property for his treatment. Life turned from sunshine to abyss overnight. In the beginning, he just cursed the bad luck in life. Then the relapse came. Amidst the profound despair, he increasingly worried about his father: Mom is gone, home is gone, money is gone. How can he face the lonely and helpless life after I am gone? Like a big stone upon Jianping’s heart, the worry grew heavier every single day. When he saw Xiao’s date ad., he saw a lifeline for his father. He was clear that he might not be able to generate a legal obligation even though they could reach an agreement. But he wanted to give a try as Xiao did before sending out the ad.
The primary condition of kidney transplants is blood type. Once matched, transplant operation is highly viable in spite of other health conditions. For a uremia patient, a matching kidney is the whole world. She didn’t want to let it go despite there were still risks in the surgery.
July 16, 2013, they went to the city office for the marriage registration. At lunch, the special couple had a small wedding celebration in a little restaurant. They signed a special agreement: Given the health condition of both sides, they would not live together, nor disclose the marriage to either family. They would not share their finance. If the kidney was right and the donation was successful, Xiao should take care of Jianping’s father until his death. If the kidney was not right, Xiao was not obliged to give the care.
II. A blatant inversion: we are alive together.
Despite a secret marriage, once they slipping into it, they couldn’t help but think about one another. After all, it was the first marriage for both, perhaps, the last, too. They called each other every day, talking for a long time. Xiao had sleep problems. Jianping told her: “I am a boring storyteller. I can help you get to sleep quickly. Let me tell you a bedtime story every night.”
“Okay!” She fell into sleep really quick, surrounded by Jianping’s soft and magnetic voice.
Early Sept. 2013, Xiao’s creatinine index went up abruptly, 30 times over normal. She was quickly admitted to the hospital. Her lower legs gleamed with huge swells, reminding her of the death of one of her fellow patients. Dismayed, she didn’t reply to Jianping’s texts, nor answer his calls. Jianping got worried. He went to the kidney hospital, checking the beds one by one. Finally he found her. Xiao was startled. Seeing Xiao’s parents in the room, Jianping hassled to introduced himself: “I am a fellow patient of Xiao’s. I come to see her.” The parents cordially greeted him.
When her parents were out of the room, Jianping reprimanded. “Why didn’t you tell me?” She forced a smile, “I am sorry. I might not be able to get to the day for the transplant.” The depression broke Jianping’s heart. He decided to take care of her –If I help her recover, she might end up taking care of my father better and longer. He spent a long time with her every day.
With full treatment and Jianping’s encouragement, Xiao’s creatinine index came down to the safe range, as well as the swells on legs. She quickly switched to the mischievous mode. One day she was alone in the hospital bed. She made a picture on her swollen leg and sent it to Jianping, texting, “Hey you, my husband. Enjoy my sexy leg.” Jianing laughed loud and replied, “I am totally enchanted. I would come chase you were you not sick.” Flattered, she texted, “Wait for me then. I will recover.”
Silence at Jianping side. Heart sinking, Xiao realized that she couldn’t recover without Jianping’s kidney. Her recovery meant his death. She quickly dropped the subject.
Jianping was a funny guy. He wrote a lot of comedian plays in the college, as well as played on the stage. He lost his mood since cancer invaded his life. His sense of humor was revived by the naughty Xiao. When she was tormented by by the pain, he would text some jokes made by himself. And she laughed all the time.
He was a good cooker, too, especially making soups. Since the treatment, he learned to cook herbal food — a Chinese traditional medicine that many believe holds magic healing power. He made two pots of herbal soup every day, following the two treatment directions. While eating, he made loud sounds and gloated, “Wow~~ this is our magic soup. Yummy, yummy~~”
Xiao started to care about him, too. She asked him about the blood index every day. Gradually, Jianping developed an unconscious act — no sooner seeing Xiao than reporting loud his blood values of the day, with an ending: “That’s all of my report. Your order, Madam?” The two lonely hearts got closer and warmer with the sparks generated by the closing gap.
New year eve of 2014, Jianping went to see Xiao after dinner. Carrying a flower basket made by himself, he bounced with joy. They met at a street in the middle of the new year celebration. He gave her a tight hug, “Happy New Year!” She held him back, “Happy New Year! Husband.”
“You should say, Happy New Year, my kidney!” Jianping cackled.
Seeing tears in her eyes, he held her tighter, “I like you, you silly girl!” Standing in the middle of the lights and crowd, she closed her eyes. A long-gone chill of happiness came up her spine.
After the new year celebration, however, it was her turn to lose him. On the morning of Jan. 09, Xiao found an address on the copy of his ID. She took a taxi. Jianping’s aunt opened the door. She told her Jianping and his father were in the hospital. Jianping stopped taking chemo drugs a couple of weeks ago; the blood value fell rapidly. His father urged him to go to the hospital. He didn’t move. One week ago, his father called other family members to help force him into the hospital.
Xiao fell into tears. This fool, he is speeding up to the end. It’s all for me.
She got into a taxi again, heading to the hospital. She cried and scolded Jianping all the way in the taxi. All of a sudden, something hit her in the mind: Why it has to be a game of “You die and I live”? No! No! I want both of us to live. I will hold his hand, and he mine. We will cross this ocean together.
As soon as seeing Jianing, she shouted, “No drug and no treatment. You want to die quick, don’t you?”
Jianping winked to his father’s direction. Xiao went straight ahead and pulled his dad out of the room. She told him everything. “We are now wife and husband. We are alive together, we are dead together.” Coming back, she gave Jianping an final warning: “You must receive full treatment. Or I will divorce you and give up your kidney.”
“It’s not merely for you. I can’t endure the pain anymore. Above all, I am out of money. Think about this, I could save you if I am dead now. It will be too late if my kidney went bad.” Furious, Xiao went ahead and slapped Jianping in his face. “You are not afraid of death, nor am I. Why are we afraid of life?” Startled, Jianping murmured, “Why are you doing this for me?” He repeated it again and again.
“I don’t want to let it go like this. I have never dated anyone. Can you play my training partner in dating? Please!” Xiao said in tears.
“Can I?”
“Yes, yes! We both have fallen behind. We are both losers. No better match!”
Jianping laughed and cried. He clearly saw the hope of life this time.
III. Immortal Flower — the fragrance sent by the transformation
In the afternoon, Xiao came back home and took the marriage certificate to her parents. “I got married without telling you…..” Bewildered, they heard the whole story. How could they blame her? They accepted the sick son-in-law without a pause. “With the certificate, he is now our son, too.” After that day, Xiao moved to Jianping’s hospital so they could help each other. The parents of both sides co-rented a garage near the hospital to cook for the couple.
In early 2014, they both got into good condition. Xiao started to look for the money for Jianping’s second BMT. The first one burned out all the money in the Jianping family. At sick leave for a long time, Jianping only received basic compensation from his employer. Xiao thought about borrowing money from her parents. But it was strongly opposed by Jianping. “This is the inversion of our agreement. What if my transplant fails? You have nothing left then.” Xiao’s parents opposed, too. “We have savings of CNY500k ($73k) or so. It’s your life money. What if one day we found the right kidney. Nobody touches the money!”
Making money, Xiao quickly made up her mind. But she sighed that she possessed no skills but the terminal uremia.
One day, a fellow patient introduced her to a craft man from Taiwan. He made preserved flowers. The story of the preserved flower was beautiful. In WWII, when the fire of war was approaching Andorra in South Europe, a couple was about to set apart. The boy plucked the blooming roses in the garden and handed them to his girlfriend. “When the last petal withers and I haven’t come back. Please forget me and start a new life.” After he left, she dehydrated, dried, and dyed the petals, so that they would never wither. One day the boy came back. They never set apart ever since. They gave these flowers a beautiful name: Immortal Flower (IF)
Xiao was mesmerized by the IF story. It’s our story, too! She made her first piece of IF under the craft man’s instruction. She brought it to Jianping. “Don’t you think we are like this flower. Fading and dyed, but we are all the same beautiful.” He was amazed by the vivid flower, more so when Xiao told him she would start to make and sell IFs for his treatment.
“Wait for me.” Xiao felt like she was the Andorra boy.
“No, I will make the flowers with you, sell them with you.”
New Year eve of 2014, their IF booth opened in a market plaza. Xiao hung a lot of cards in front of the IFs, with their story written on them. In the end she wrote:
“Immortal flowers grow out of the debris. Immortal flower, eternal love.”
They sold out their first batch of IFs, over a hundred pieces, in two hours. In a few days, they made CNY3000 ($440). Rong, a flower shop owner, heard about the story. She contacted Xiao and purchased a lot of IFs for resale. She also articulated the story in the flower business community and encouraged store owners to place orders to Xiao. Soon, the sales reached over 10k IF boxes per month and still growing. In two months, Xiao made CNY300k($44k). One of the biggest orders was worth CNY70k($10k), an anonymous buyer bought it to gift friends.
Middle Apr., Xiao and Jianping went to Ruijin Hospital in Shanghai, where Jianping had the first BMT. The checkup showed that his body was ready for the second one. Apr. 19, the hospital contacted the first donator through the national marrow center. It was a young man of 25. He was willing to make the second donation. Xiao burst into tears of joy.
They brought the CNY300k from the IF business, plus CNY100k ($15k) from Jianping’s family and CNY100k ($15k) from Xiao’s. Apr. 26, Jianping had the operation. Xiao held a bunch of IFs in vivid red, kissing Jianping’s forehead at the gate. “My husband, come back alive. I will be waiting for you.” Jianping gave her a hug. “Wait for me.”
The second transplant faced with many more risks than the first. Staying in the observatory room for more than one month, Jianping lingered at the edge of death multiple times. Meanwhile, Xiao kept her exceedingly busy making IFs. She believed the reborn flowers would send out the strongest fragrance to her husband over all the obstacles. All of sudden, she treasured her own life more than ever. She had dialysis with more care. She had supplementary drugs. She exercised every day.
End of May, Jianping was transferred to a regular bed. Jun. 20, his blood values came down to a safe range. They all flew back to Xi’an. Seeing the happy couple, Jianping’s father entangled his ecstasy with a mixture of feeling toward Xiao — — grateful that she literally saved his son, so sorry that the kidney she was waiting for went further rather than closer. He came to her, “My child, Jianping would never come this far without you. I wish my kidney were right for you.” She said in tears, “Regardless, you can’t have this sort of surgery at your age. Don’t worry. I will keep myself healthy and wait for the kidney source.”
There came the second miracle –Xiao had a solid recovery, too. Her dialysis changed from twice per week to once per month. Jan. 2015, the checkup showed her creatinine index came down steadily. The doctor said, keeping it that way, she could stay alive for a quite long time without a kidney transplant.
Feb. 14, 2015, Valentine’s Day, Xiao and Jianping had a grand wedding in Xi’an Peace Hotel. When it came to the session of parents’ blessing, Xiao’s father said:
You two have been a couple for long, only now are you heading to a brand-new life. I wish your relationship and lives are like the IFs you are making, reborn out of the debris. The longer, the stronger.
P.S.
— My brother sent this story that happened in our hometown, Xi’an, China. I couldn’t help but rewrite it into my blog. There is one sensation that I can’t share with the audience at all (Maybe the audience is just in my imagination. They may never come. But it doesn’t really matter.). That is, there are so many names of places (e.g. streets, parks, colleges, even the companies they worked for) in the original story that I know them so well — I removed them in the blog to reduce reading distractions. But the views just pop up as soon as I saw the names. It’s like I am just sitting in a little restaurant in Youyi Dong Rd. — I passed it over a hundred times in my life, watching Xiao and Jianping sitting at the next table. They were celebrating their first wedding, before signing a helpless agreement. I might have met them at Dongda Street, the most glamorous street in Xi’an, where a boy carried a flower basket and said to the girl, “You should say, Happy New Year, my kidney!” Oh how many stories have we missed given how many couples we have encountered at the next table in life? I must write this down before it’s gone.
